It's so hard to say goodbye...

I know it's been quite some time since I've written and I will update you all on how we spent our summertime soon....

This week I lost my last grandparent.  I count myself extremely blessed to have had as much time with my grandparents as I have.  Especially when I think of the fact that Jim only knew 2 of his grandparents and he lost his last one 10 years ago.  I learned so much from all 4 of my grandparents... so many things that I will never forget.  I enjoyed my time with Mom-mom until I was 20, with Grandma until I was 26 (just 1 day before my egg retrieval to conceive Summer & Cole), with Pop-pop until I was 30 and with Grandpa until I was 31.  It's funny though the stories that you never hear until after they are gone. 

Like these 2 that were left in the guest books in his online obituary:
To the Reilly family: My sympathies to you all. Mr. Reilly was my Principal at Hauppauge Middle School from 1971-1974. He was a good man and leader for the school. We appreciated his service to the community as well.
I remember in the late seventies, Leo,Carl Beck and Jerry Borrell and myself visited several school districts in upstate N.Y. that were including girls in their industrial arts program. It was a time when the subject of Industrial Arts was connsidered a program for only male students. Leo and his middle school administration recognized that the culture of America was changing that women were to included in all aspects of education. The visit made us extremely aware of the success the female students were having in these upscale school districts and why we should be proceeding in the same manner on L.I. Under Leo Reileys direction he implemented the first industrial arts program that included girls as well as boys. His insight into this is fondly remembered by myself since my close assoc. with him as Supt. of Instruction was to support his innovation. Once we implemented that program in Hauppauge it became a requirememnt throughout the state. 

I knew my Grandpa was a great man.... he raised 8 wonderful children with his wife of almost 60 years.  He loved and nutured 12 grandchildren and his 6th great grandchild was just born this month.  But it's so nice to hear that he touched those outside of his family as well.  Although his children tell stories of the stern disciplinarian (after all he was a principal) father, his grandkids know the real story.  He was a patient man who loved our Grandmother dearly.  He watched her soap operas with her, loved to golf and always made it to the early bird specials in Destin.  He made sure that the doors were double and triple locked to appease her and even remembered where she hid her real purse.  When we were young and in school, he would always ask about our teachers.  Every year he would ask, "what is your teacher's name?", followed by, "does she have 4 fingers and a thumb on her right hand?".... yes... "i know her". 

Goodbye Grandpa.... you will never be forgotten!

The simple things that make kids happiest...

Today we visited some twinnie friends for a day of swimming, playing and picking some fresh corn from their farm.  Our day was complete with scooping some froggies from the pool before we could swim in it, swimming, floating, splashing, noodle races, snacking on popsicles and fruit, more floating.... several hours later we picked some fresh corn for lunch and played.  When it was time each of the kids were asked what their favorite thing about our play date was.  Both sets of twinnies (ages 7 and almost 4) said picking the corn... even the set that live on the farm!  An entire day of swimming fun and the 5 minute task of picking food to eat was their favorite part.  It's funny sometimes the time and energy we put into planning activities to keep our kids entertained and sometimes it is the simplest things that make them happiest!

Playing catch up

Oh we've been busy these past few months...

Easter...

The next generation of cousins (The Hazletts, the Days and the Neals)

In our Easter finest

Aquarium fun...

A ride on the boat

Lizzie the Hippo

Cousin Sleepover...
My sister and I decided to try sleepovers with the kids.  But instead of having all 4 kids in one locations, I took the girls (Summer & Hannah) and Kim took the boys (Cole & Noah).  It was a HUGE success.  I have to say that I REALLY enjoyed myself.  I got to spend a lot of time with my nephew Noah was he was born and for at least the first 2-3 years of his life.  It was really nice to get to be an aunt before I was a mom.  Hannah was born when I was 3 months pregnant with the twins, so needless to say... I did not get this bonding time with her. 
I was a bit nervous because typically when all 4 cousins are together, Cole, Noah & Hannah play together and Summer plays tea party in the corner.  I wanted to plan some activities out of the house because I wasn't sure if Hannah would be thrilled with Summer's plan of playing babydolls and dress-up for the entire weekend. 
First up was painting pottery....  Summer picked a high heel cell phone holder (because every girl needs more shoes!) and Hannah picked a Lightning McQueen bank.  This was a huge hit for both girls. 

Once we were home, Hannah quickly got into playing dress-up (and it was the first thing that she asked me to get out on Sunday morning!) and daycare with the babies.

Saturday night was spent at Bounce U, which was another huge hit for both girls.  Check them out on the HUGE slide!  They probably went down 100 times! 

Then on Sunday morning, we headed to the aquarium with Aunt Yiz.  Both girls chose their own outfits.  But I'm glad that my girly girl daughter and my tom boy niece had a super fun weekend that they could both enjoy!  And I really enjoyed getting to spend some special time with my hilarious, fun, well behaved, appreciative niece.  It was so nice to get some quality bonding time with her.  

Cole also had a super fantastic time at Aunt Kim's farm.  She has a lot of built in entertainment at her farm.  



May 11, 1999

It was one month after I arrived home from two weeks in France on exchange.  I had missed my mom so much while I was gone, but she sent me several cards and letters in that short time frame.  If only I knew that it was preparing me for being away from her forever.  I came home from school that day and called her at work to check-in and tell her that I loved her, just like I did every day.  She came home from work and started dinner (meatloaf, which I still can't eat to this day).  Liz & I both fell asleep, which I truly believe was because we weren't meant to see what happened next.  collapsed on the floor in the bathroom... unresponsive... waiting for the ambulance... waiting in a private waiting room for news of what happened...  massive brain aneurysm...  ICU...
She was sustained on life support for just a week before we were told that she was now brain dead...
We were told she was a candidate for organ donation and were asked to decide what the next step would be...
She left at a time that was supposed to be so happy for me, the very end of my senior year of high school... but through her death she gave life to other families hoping for their miracles...

My prom was in just weeks, but luckily we had finally found a dress just a few short weeks before after searching for what felt like forever...
My high school graduation was coming up in just a month, how would I make it through without her there taking pictures like she always did... but guess what?  I was blessed enough to have so many others to step in and fill the void... and we all made it through...  we were numb...

For her 3 daughters, she missed 2 high school graduations, 3 college graduations, 2 weddings and the birth of 4 grandchildren.  But through all of those milestones, we were blessed with others in our lives who stepped in and filled the void.

However, now that I have children of my own... I long to ask her the questions that only a mother could answer... did I do this or that? what did you do when this happened? Unfortunately, as hard as I try... no one can completely fill that void in my life... and it hurts...

I also finally see how much she truly loved me (which may sound strange).  Of course I knew she loved me very much, but until I actually had kids... I didn't understand how much love she had for me, because it is truly a very different, unexplainable kind of love...

I watch Summer growing up (not that it's not similar with Cole, it's just that she's so much like me) and I feel like it must be just like my mom watching me grow up.  It makes me so happy to watch that happen, but so sad that she isn't here to help me through this journey and enjoy her grandchildren.  I am the person that I've become because of her and because I lost her.  Losing her shaped a large part of the person that I am today... how different would I be if she was still here??

It's been 13 years without her... the person that I was closest with and I don't know why all of the sudden I am having a much more difficult time this year than in recent years past.  I can't exactly explain why...

We've had a similar loss this year within our family and sometimes watching someone else experience the same pain that you once did seems as though you are watching yourself go through it all over again.  It's as if you spent all of those years winding a bandage tightly around the wounds, only to have it ripped right off when you least expect it...

I'm having painful flashbacks that I actually don't think I could have remembered that clearly one month after losing her yet now I find myself remembering so vividly on my commute that it leaves tears streaming down my face...

I feel very blessed still.  I don't wish that it happened to someone else instead of her, because I wouldn't wish the pain on anyone else.  Losing her brought people into my life that I might never have had the opportunity to meet.  Losing her meant many families received more time with their loved ones because she gave them the ultimate gift... the gift of life!  How could I wish that didn't happen for them.  But that doesn't change how much I miss her and how I wish she didn't have to leave us.  I am blessed to have those people in my life whether they've been there from the beginning or that I met along the way that have helped to fill the void that was left behind when I lost her...  I hope you all know how much you mean to me and how I wouldn't get through any day without all of you <3

Cole's Shots

Every time I look at this child, I just quite frankly can't believe that he is only 3 1/2!  He's so grown up, but still my little cuddle bug.  

Summie Lou's Dress-Up Pictures



Here are Summie Lou's individual shots.  Is it any surprise that her favorites are the pink & purple ones?  She was so excited about all the headbands and hairclips that she got to wear.  Doesn't the umbrella make an adorable backdrop to her close-up shots?  

New Pictures - Sibling Love

A couple of weeks ago, the Summer & Cole had pictures taken at daycare.  I have stopped ordering pictures from school, because the previous company made you choose your package prior to the photos being taken.  At this age, that just doesn't work for me.  You never know what child is going to appear when the photos are taken. 

This photographer was completely different.  I didn't have to send the kids to school looking spiffy!  The photographer was bringin all sorts of "dress-up" clothes and props.  I didn't have to worry that their hair was just right and if it would stay just right!  The teachers were doing their hair for the photos.  The photos went by class and my kids were not taken until Thursday.  However the room of props and costumes was set up all week.  From walking by the room every day, the kids were SO excited for their turn!  I really think that was a MAJOR part of why they got so many AMAZING shots!  I hope you agree.  Here are the together shots.  I will post their separate poses tomorrow.  

Family & Friends... I have a disk of all of the images, so please let me know if there is a particular pose that you would like a copy of and what size.